oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
