Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
