dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
