i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize