i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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