No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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