Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my liver is dry heaving
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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