real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I love you. Go after that dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
