WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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