Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
