First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
