How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
