I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize