Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize