He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
