ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
