If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
