i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
