Cold hands, warm shart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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