Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
