Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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