That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
