I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize