is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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