Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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