He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
