I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize