You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
