i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My vagina just recognized that song.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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