Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
