Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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