Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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