Don't make out with my wife yet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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