i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize