Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
