i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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