it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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