We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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