I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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