just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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