I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
