I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
