Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just gargled with NyQuil
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize