How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your penis caused this!
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