I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
