I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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