My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
