is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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