dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
