i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
