so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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