I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize