i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
