Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
