my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
