end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
