Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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