Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
