i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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