cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize