It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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