I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
