Can Purell be used as lube?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
