he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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