so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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