i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
