Farmville is her only friend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize