I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
